Infinite Love with Kate
Infinite Love with Kate
S5: Ep. 68 "Friendship and Laughter: Beneath Our Beautiful"
What happens when you blend passion, resilience, and the healing power of community? Meet Ronette Lusby-Brown, affectionately known as "lusby," a remarkable special education teacher whose journey is nothing short of inspiring. With over 14 years of friendship and collaboration, we explore how she creates a positive and stress-free work environment as a summer coordinator. From a spirited game of musical chairs to navigating the challenges of teaching, we share stories that celebrate the joys, struggles, and triumphs of dedicating oneself to education without the burden of micromanagement.
Taking a heartfelt look at personal growth and vulnerability, we reflect on a singing performance that pushed our insecurities into triumph, even capturing the moment on TikTok. Sharing personal anecdotes about stress management reveals the strength found in supportive colleagues like Miss Lesby and Miss Hasty during tough times like staff shortages. Through laughter and tears, we emphasize the value of embracing our vulnerabilities, transforming struggles into empowering stories, and finding camaraderie within shared hardships.
Rounding out this powerful conversation, we delve into the emotional journey of living with alopecia and other personal health challenges. From the isolation of coping with sudden hair loss to overcoming misconceptions in college, these experiences have fueled a profound empathy and resilience in both personal and professional life. Together, Ronna and I celebrate the strength in turning adversity into advocacy, showcasing how personal challenges can transform into stories of empowerment, paving the way for supporting students facing their own battles. With humor and honesty, we honor the enduring power of friendship, laughter, and community.
Welcome back to another episode of Infinite Love Today. Today's going to be a two-part series because I have actually brought on a special guest, someone I've come to know and love dearly, someone I work alongside with for the past 14 years. But what you don't know about her is she's someone who's also just amazed me in so many ways. Do you know, when you watch someone and you know that they're doing what they're meant to do, it's their passion, it's their craft, it's their gift, and it's amazing when you get to experience observing this firsthand. And today's guest is that person a friend and a colleague, but also an inspiration to teaching special education. And I mean this because I've seen her and witnessed her in the classroom, outside of the classroom, and she carries this craft and this gift and this passion within her, and it only grows and excels as she does. This woman is unstoppable. So, without further ado, I would love to introduce you to my friend, my coworker, mrs Ronna Lesby-Brown.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:Hello, fellow podcasters Just went hey guys, one Goots that's what we call her at school, or the students like to call her Goots. But she just gave like the most amazing like intro for me. So my dog like yes thank you. It's so sweet, so welcome. Thanks, so glad to be here.
Kate:All right. So I had this intention of asking Ronna, I just call you lesbian because this isn't how I roll I call her. I call her lesbian and other people just call her Libby Lubby.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:Or Miss Lesby, I get it all.
Kate:Yeah, it's one of my favorites Miss Luby, I get it Gooch, goochie Everything except Lesby.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:Like literally L-U-S-B-Y, Like there's two birds that came to join us for the podcast today.
Kate:For real. This is legit. Two morning doves Like they just want to get in on the action and here we go with it. I don't even she's got me nervous over here for once. I don't know why, but I know right, cause we don't know. If you see the other side of us at work when no one's around, you get the. What would you call that?
Ronette Lusby-Brown:Softness, hot mess. I'm soft like all the time yeah.
Kate:Yeah, you think. Yeah, you got your serious moments though. Yeah, so this summer Lesbi was our coordinator while we were all teachers, and normally she's our teacher with us, but she teaches academic. I teach transition, but this she was my boss, which I kind of found cool, and we had the best summer ever and it went by really fast. But on the downside of it, when the kids are gone, it's a whole different script, honestly, because we got to wear a working hat and then we change our hats.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:But you know what, coming into this this summer, the one thing that I wanted us to just kind of feel like that it wasn't work. I just think that when you have your work environment where everybody can come and be at peace and want to come at work or come to work, that's when, like we can be the most productive and like everybody is on the same page and I just appreciate the hell out of that, you know.
Kate:Yeah, for sure.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:Even with our little powwow meetings at the end, you know we're going over the highs and the lows and what to watch out for, what to look for. Watch this student. You know I'll give you guys a brief about the parents, all the phone calls that I get with that and just being able to put out the fire so that you guys don't have to worry. So I know that I've been asked to be an administrator like so many times over the years, but I have absolutely no desire.
Kate:I don't either, and the only thing I would desire, after watching you do what you did and experiencing what I did this past year, was I would love to be a coordinator in our building and alleviate some of that stress for the teachers, but also remove the administration from our building, because then it becomes so micromanaged that it's no longer fun.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:I would love to be a coordinator for just my program.
Kate:I'm in a facility that's away from the campuses, so it would be just my program and I wouldn't want to work 12 months. I would only want to do the 10 months because, let's face it, you don't want to sacrifice all that time. You need that time to reflect and pour back into yourself. I mean, you should be doing that every day anyways, but sometimes teaching could take a toll on you, and that comes from all angles students, parents admin.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:Well, the one thing that I'm trying to learn are like boundaries, right. I am really really bad with that, just because I enjoy problem solving, right. So I'm like the Olivia Pope of, you know, alpha and special ed. You know, because I've been doing this for so long, you think I'm about to go into my 20th year of teaching. You know, it's just. It's been lifelong learning, you know, at its finest and, um, like I apps a freaking toodly-loody. I just made up a word. What was?
Kate:that Toodly-loody, toodly-loody.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:Yeah, it's like now I'm about to you know.
Kate:Mary Poppins.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:What did she say?
Kate:No, that's Cinderella. Bippity-boppity-boop, bippity-boppity-boop.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:Yeah, like I almost went there. Or Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, that's Mary Poppins right, it's Beatidocious.
Kate:Yeah.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:Yeah, something know, but now you have my brain thinking like early childhood.
Kate:Today was our last day of summer school, so my brain literally is on the off switch.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:But we played a mean game of musical chairs today. You did, and nobody was spared.
Kate:Oh, I love when we do that Our kids.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:But right, there is where I think, where so many people go wrong. You forget the things that made you happy in your childhood and I think that like I wish that learning was more fun growing up. So I think that I have to make sure that I'm creating that culture in my classroom, like we need to have fun, like I need to laugh, like I crack myself up, like I'm saying lift my leg.
Kate:I do that at home by myself.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:Slap my knee Like knee. Slap like I like I've been over laughing where my husband looks at me like babe, like it's not. I'm like yes, it is though, see, but that's a that's where people forget to be in the moments yeah, listen, I laugh at dad jokes like I crack up I have a friend that made fun of me.
Kate:She, she's like you tell dad jokes? I'm like I probably do, but they're so funny I know I'm like I don't even think twice about it.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:But like I fall over laughing though, because it's like that funny Like that's me. Yes, you know, but I think that is self-care, maybe for me too, like I would rather figure out how to find my happy place.
Kate:Sometimes you need that, though, especially in the moments where you're taken out of those happy places, and that can happen again a lot. I've spoken about this in a couple of different episodes, about how education has changed so much, so drastically, in the last couple of years, but let alone ever, since politicians have kind of gotten their hands into the programs, and it's not the same, and it becomes more taxing on teachers and administration, because everyone has a job to do, but yet the jobs keep piling higher, but the restraints are also getting bigger, and it becomes less fun and more taxing because you have to take care of a through z, instead of just x, y and z your students, your staff within the classroom and then your parents but see, I guess what helps me with that is that because I don't like to feel stressed, I don't like to feel, you know, I have to figure out how to make this a happy place.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:So, with this responsibility and this one and this one and this one, like, I find the good in that right, so I am also one of those people that people can do you wrong, but then there's a part of me and this is probably a blessing and a curse that's why you go do therapy that I can find that little bit of hope in somebody where I can forgive them. I don't forget, no, right.
Kate:But I can yeah.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:You know what I mean, but life has created me this way.
Kate:You know what I mean.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:When you lived, you know life or you've had just. You know events that have taken place or dramatic medical. You know things that have happened to you growing up, you got to think I was what? 14? And, mind you, I thought I was like the bomb dot com, Right. So here I am, 14, the only freshman on varsity cheerleading team. I played softball, I was in the show choir, even though I can't sing, but you cannot tell me that I'm not whitney in the shower now listen, but let me pause that before you go on to it.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:What did we do last year, though? What did you have? All of us who know talk about you can sing. I, I already know I sound like scuttle from little mermaid I mean I did it's really funny, I own it, yeah.
Kate:So yeah, I got yeah, I got that, I mean, and I own it with pride. I don't yeah Skull. Yeah, I got that, I mean and I own it with pride.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:I don't care but we killed those three notes. Oh God, like, I mean, like we killed, like we murdered them in a good way.
Kate:I was almost going to say are you sure we didn't murder?
Ronette Lusby-Brown:No, I went, I went and of course, you had me going first, so it was even. But we all held a note. We had a soprano, an alto and a bass Maybe, or a tenor, or a tenor. Is there like a hot mess part? No, but you were not a hot mess, though I think it was more so because I had to control my laughter. That was the hardest part, because I had to go first.
Kate:And I couldn't stop the giggles. They were there and it was anyways.
Kate:There's a tiktok video out there of us singing last year for the parents yeah, miss lesby over here got us singing for parents.
Kate:But I was really excited because I already expressed on many episodes that last year was a a new learning curve for me and not because of teaching, but it was more so what I was going through behind the scenes and this lady who's actually on an episode where I shared that I had a breakdown because too many things were happening in that day and she looked at me and I looked at her and she told me to go outside and hug my tree and part of me giggled but I needed to. But the other part broke down because then I felt the guilt because we were all going through the same stress and we were all low on staff but yet she gave me time to myself that I needed and it was like that fallen angel that comes into place. But that portion of me that was still healing was the guilt holding on the guilt, Because you want to do like you mentioned earlier, you want to be able to do it all and that comes naturally for us.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:But the one thing that I've noticed is that you cannot make what you're going through mean nothing because somebody else is going through Right, like your story is your story, and I would often, like you know, find myself like, well, I'm going through this, but look what she's doing, but at that moment, this is what I'm going through. This, but look what she's doing, but at that moment this is what I'm going through.
Kate:Right, so let me hurt about this right now, and sometimes you just got to get that out oh yeah, crying is just taking your soul to the laundromat you know what I mean, like I cry at commercials so like and again my husband's looking at me in the wind blows just right. There's like a bird that lands. I'm like that's beautiful right, and it's that nasty cry you know it's just like your face, but it feels so good. Yeah, and you're like damn.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:But I cry all the time, but naturally, and I'll cry where you know, sometimes like I feel, like I have to be strong, right, but that's just because trauma has conditioned your condition to do that.
Kate:yeah, and and that's a lot of the discussions I've had over time on these episodes. I share it all basically of, hey, sometimes I'm really not okay and that's okay, and I've learned to let go of that guilt and that was part of, and I believe that's why, I was brought back to fac it. It was taking me out of my element because I was somewhere I really wanted to be but, because of somebody else's ownership or authority level, dismantled all of us for her own reasons. Let that be her journey. And I was bitter for a second. But I was also excited because I get to work with Miss Lesbian, miss Hasty so Lesbian and Miss Hasty so I get to work with two amazing people that I love and I've known for so long. So it really wasn't the worst, because if anything they could have just placed me anywhere, then it probably would have broke me. So I think we're just not expecting to come into the program with no staff. I mean.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:Listen, last year, I will tell you, was really, really difficult. I'm saying like there's been many times where we went outside the door in my classroom and just cried you know what I mean. And then it was like we looked at each other it's like, okay, we don't have a choice, let's go. Yeah, we cannot control that. The fact that the elevator did not work at the school and that we had to, you know will the kids around the school, just to get them to be able to go upstairs, but we did what we need to do.
Kate:Yeah, get your coat on let's go, put your head down, put your head on, let's go. Yes, you know hold your breath we're gonna run in this wind real quick in the classroom. Yeah, because we were. If. If we were on lunch, it didn't even matter, because we were with the kids, whether they were in our room with us or whether we were upstairs and I mean it.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:It's still that way. But as much as sometimes like I want my time, I do appreciate knowing that they're safe at that moment, you know what I mean um.
Kate:So I mean we, we just we went through a lot, but we made it through and that's why I loved that video at the end, because that was real, that that was us being kids.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:Yeah, my hair was so cute on that video, so. So then I had on my Jordans with my matching what. Come on, you were fine, I looked like you Killed it in a good way.
Kate:I rolled out of bed, hair off in a messy bun and I was busting out my dance moves. Because I jacked off the whole video again, because I kept looking at the camera.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:But you killed it. But I was feeling myself. I wanted to look at the camera. You're like smacking my booty. You felt thick. I did your booty felt big In my gray sweats Right.
Kate:I was celebrating many things that day.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:I tell my pom girls all the time think thick thoughts when you dance, feel like you're thick as I am.
Kate:And then they feel it.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:Yeah, exactly, imagine that your booty is just as big as mine.
Kate:We do this dance, I mean because otherwise I do the dance move where I'm chasing the tail. I'm like, where is it, where's my booty? Where's no but you felt it, I did. Oh, I was, I was feeling off and I I. That's why I died laughing. You can hear it on the unedited version.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:It's just me cracking up because we had talked about earlier how like just those belly laughs of stupidity.
Kate:Love it and that's why I think I was celebrating so many things that you're, because of you, find yourself on this journey doing more work subconsciously, not even knowing that you're doing it, and then you find that it's okay when things fall apart because they're meant to, and that that's what I am seeing, that a lot of people can't handle when things fall apart, especially in the education world, where I guess I've dealt with some really hard stuff in life.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:That is just like you know what I'm going to cry this out today, I'm going to deal with it and then tomorrow, pick up my big drawers and keep going. You know what I mean pick up my big draws and keep going. You know what I mean? Like literally, that is what helps me. You know, like, okay, let me drop a couple of tears. And it's like I'll drop those couple of tears and now I'm ready to move on, you know, and all I can do is not beat myself up. I just have to take it a step at a time.
Kate:And don't hold on to it. Yeah, and I've had to learn how to do that. For me it was like replaying it over and over. I'm like, no, let this shit go, because no one wants to feel like they failed.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:Like me, I don't like to feel like I failed at something Right. I know that let me fail because I've tried everything that I can to do it. Right Not because I just didn't do it.
Kate:So like political science class in college.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:I don't know what the hell was the professor was talking about. He'll walk in and it was a retired guy that they asked to come back. He'll throw his book on a podium and then he'll get his hand. He'll rub it through his hair one time and then he'll read from a book. But it sounded like he was whispering the whole time, but I would have recorders video, I'll go in my room. What the hell did he just say? But listen, that was the hardest D plus I ever got in my life.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:I take pride in that, the only D in college, but you know what that D stands for. Damn girl, you did a good job Plus.
Kate:Yes, you plused it.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:Three exclamation points after that, I earned that.
Kate:Oh God, you don't want to know my grades in college, but that was just accountability on my part was I didn't go. Oh no, that Murray Valley. And we're talking like community college At ISU. It got better. But then grad school I got all these.
Kate:So clearly my brain was ready to work in my late 20s I was the one with all the eight o'clock classes me too, and we had a rock paper scissors me and my best friend rock paper scissors the night before because we were out having fun. We're like who's gonna go to class?
Ronette Lusby-Brown:I lost every single time really no, I was going to class I would go to class no my hair was done.
Kate:I can't I know if you, if you knew my friend, she's always dressed to the nines, always looks fire always. And I'm over here and I own it because I have no shame in my game. I move around so much with these kids and I learned my first year, after my first year, dressing up every single day, I would come back and all my clothes were ruined, something stained whether it was my own fault from eating or feeding other students or just all the projects we did and I was like never again, I don't care.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:But you know what I? I had my days where I get dressy and I had my days where I'm putting on a cute pair of jeans and my Jordans.
Kate:She still looks amazing, even on her off days. Don't even let her fool you because her off day. Even on her off days, don't even let her fool you because her off day would be probably one of my best things. I'm honest. I mean I probably would say, well, this year I probably dressed up a little bit more, but I really loved my comfy clothes. It was freezing in our building, so it was matching hoodies. I went shopping this year, good job.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:I mean, you gotta think. When you did the boat party you sent me. I'm just like what shoes are we wearing? I know, I know you didn't want to go out and get any different ones.
Kate:No, I was so freaking tired. I tried though I know you did, but I still pulled it off, Because then I ordered a pair, but then they came the next day.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:I was like too late, didn't you do the voice too? Yeah, I can't do it right now.
Kate:I was laughing because he was like go to the store and I'm like only she would go to the store.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:But I brought you shoes.
Kate:It was so tiring, so tiring. That's the fun part, man Leaving your house after your comfy little gray hoodie and sweatpants is on the couch, it's the gray. It's the gray, it's the gray, it's the gray for me. I know how to pull it off, so silly y'all. I know I think you're one of the few that think I'm silly. You get my personality, though, so it's cool. I crack myself up every day, even in my own home.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:I almost want to put cameras up, just so I don't even need anybody no, god no I get the mirror going, I'm like, hey, like I'm that person when I'm sending a text message and in my head I'm like okay this is so funny.
Kate:Yeah, what I just wrote I can't even, but I can barely get it out. Yeah, people look at me and they see me grinning when I'm texting and they're like what is uh? Like what is on your mind right now?
Ronette Lusby-Brown:I'm you don't even want to know, but then when you tell them they just like look at you and it's crickets, but I'm still cracking up and you're like it's nothing. You have to be there? Yeah, you do, but I feel like that's my entire life.
Kate:Like you just have to be there to understand, yeah, and if you don't just laugh at me because I'm live it, listen. That's what helps me get through.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:so, yeah, oh my god, heck, yeah so we have this little thing at the end of our school day, which I think was the best thing our countdown, our countdown.
Kate:And I just busted out singing because someone said five. I got five on it, so that's you look at me.
Kate:You're like we're doing that. And then the next day I did a wee dance. I like all of a sudden slid. I like to dance and I've told you guys this on many episodes that that's my secret. Passion is I love dancing around my house. So that slide was everything to me, because in my head when we sang it I was like I really want to slide out. So I did so. Then Leslie's like I love dancing.
Kate:We got to use that for the next one. So then we had our whole, entire staff singing in the huddle and then sliding.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:But they look forward to it every day, you know, like today was we got none on it, we slide out Right, you know like. But it's those little things that, like they remember, like no one was afraid to be a kid again.
Kate:I know, and that's the key to life, and I tell people that all the time and that's how I started this whole journey was going back to what made me so happy as a kid being outside in the rain. I will dance in the rain any chance I got.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:Now, you know I went outside in the rain because that made my hair mess up. Then that's the whole process again.
Kate:You know we don't play like that, so I I cut you off earlier when you were actually going to speak about something very important about you. Were 14 years old, and that's when it was actually one of our questions was what was a pivotal moment in your life that changed everything?
Ronette Lusby-Brown:I would definitely have to say when I was 14. I was probably like 13 going on 14.
Kate:And I was going into my eighth grade.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:I was going into my freshman year of high school.
Kate:Oh, that's a big year.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:And I one day just woke up and I had hair like in my hand. And then I go in the mirror and I'm literally running my fingers through my hair and I had long, beautiful hair and it's just gone without a trace, like I literally lost all of my hair, like within a week.
Kate:Wow, for the time you woke up that whole week. Was it more so too by brushing and pull it?
Ronette Lusby-Brown:just it, just it's like like a hair fairy came and took it. You know what I mean? Like it was just, it was the most bizarre thing. So you think, pivotal point, cheerleader, having a great time.
Kate:Yeah.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:And then I can't go to school anymore because I'm like what is happening? And you have to think, at that time nobody knew what was happening. So now, alopecia, there's awareness being brought to that right. But you think you know 1996, 2000, that wasn. You know 1996, 2000,. That wasn't you know.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:So you know I have my sisters and my mom with all this long pretty hair, so no one knew what to do for me. And in the black community, a lot of the times it's not about going to therapy, it's pray about it, god will fix it Right. Of the times it's not about going to therapy, it's pray about it, god will fix it right. So I didn't have the proper like um, help to kind of get through it. So I had to cope basically on my own right, like my mom didn't know what to do. But then my mom is a single parent of four girls and my older sister has cerebral palsy, so my mom is, you know, dealing with that, and then she's white, working three jobs. So it was just like I couldn't put that on her.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:Yeah, there was a lot of crying in silence, right yeah, and then, to make it so bad, we end up moving. So I'm starting a new school, oh, and they don't make hair pieces and wigs and units the way like back then. They don't do it like that. You know like, um, I was definitely looking like a mother of the church back then. You know like, like it was just like I was on the usher board.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:You know like that is how the usher board like's, how like I had like a Bob wig with like blunt veins across, with like a silicone, like fake scalp you know, yes, like I was walking around in a Tyler Perry wig as a freshman in high school, so of course when I moved to this new school, I have to start a new school with the wig on, and was probably the most traumatic time in my life. I cried every day. I wanted to kill myself. Every day. I remember lying in bed my arms crossed, as if I was in my casket and just asking God to take me away in my casket. And just asking God to take me away, take this pain away take this misery away.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:Why would you do this? Why did I deserve this? So then, what did I have to do? I just had to keep going, right. So I dealt with the bullying in school. I dealt with people just being excuse my language assholes.
Kate:Right, because it was more accepting at that time like someone had cancer versus you know, because it was an awareness right like right and no one knew what was happening, right.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:So every day I lived in fear, walking down the hallway, that somebody's gonna pull my hair off here and how embarrassed I would be. And I would never forget. I was sitting in math class and this was probably my sophomore year sitting in math class and I can hear this boy behind me and I won't say his name, but I can hear him talking to a group like for 50 cents I'll pull her wig off. Oh so, so.
Kate:Now it's a game.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:Yes, and I don't bother anybody.
Kate:You know what I?
Ronette Lusby-Brown:mean yeah, and he got up and walking towards me and I'm hearing his footsteps. And I said Ronette, if he touches you, you are about to lose your mind. The closer that he got. I'm like you cannot give him an opportunity to do this to you.
Kate:No.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:I jumped. I said if you put your so-and-so, so-and-so hands on me, I am going to so-and-so, so-and-so and so-and-so, right. So I don't know how you know this works, but I don't want you know. You're going to so-and-so, so-and-so and so-and-so, right. So I don't know how you know this works, but I don't want you know you're going to censor your podcast.
Kate:No, yeah, there is an actual button that says Well, I'll just say so-and-so, so-and-so, and you guys, can fill in the blank and I think like that I scared him.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:He's like I pushed him up against the locker, got pulled into the dean's office. Then they made us do like a mediation and I just remember being in there crying like what did?
Kate:I do to you?
Ronette Lusby-Brown:What did I do to you that you felt the need that you wanted to embarrass me and be that cruel? What did I do? And I am crying that now he's crying right, Because what did.
Kate:I do. Well, you made himself reflect. Yes, one day seems like forever sometimes.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:And I tried to find my happiness every day, but it was really difficult. My mother noticed the change, you know, with me at home it's been recently that family members are like. You know, ronette, we thought that you were like, so stuck up and you were too good, but we're just realizing that wait a second, she was going through some trauma, like that was traumatic, so it wasn't that. Oh, I don't want to talk to you, I'm stuck up it's. I'm insecure.
Kate:I am fighting to stay alive inside.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:Like I'm talking myself out of not jumping or, you know, taking these pills or splitting my wrist or running out in traffic, you know the thoughts.
Kate:I know I'm right there with you, right.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:Because cheer stop, softball stop. I didn't want to run to a base. And what happened? My wig slide.
Kate:I'm at home and my wig at third how does that hurt?
Ronette Lusby-Brown:Come back Right. A little Titanic moment Right, right, you know.
Kate:No, no, I can't even imagine what that would be like, like, I didn't want. Because the more active which is what you are is, you're very active as a teen In all those situations. Just I could picture that, like how easy that is. I slide and my helmet comes off, so why wouldn't my hair come with me? You?
Ronette Lusby-Brown:know lifestyle. Yes, like my life stopped and my thing was run it. Just keep your grades up, get through high school. You know what I mean like, so I was always pretty smart.
Kate:Did you make friends?
Ronette Lusby-Brown:at all. I have one friend who we were really close. You know, like it's weird, like I've never had an issue like having a boyfriend or anything like that. Right, because you know when you got body. Yada, yada, yada, yada.
Kate:She does, she's got a body, yada yada, I got a cute face.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:I like to think that you know I'm a cute girl, right, but the girls make them feel like they were dating someone diseased.
Kate:You know what I mean. You know an amazing thing about all that is insecurity. Yeah, jealousy, basically jealousy.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:Because the girls were not very nice, and then if I did not want to talk to a boy, they were not very nice, right? So my thing was I need to get out of high school, then I go to college.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:Of course, by this time, four years later, weaves are better you know, things like that, found someone who can do my weaves and stuff, but then I still was nervous in college you know so you know I still have to, you know, have my guards up, but it caused me to live a guarded life where I don't let a lot of people in my excuse me, my circle is very small and I'm OK like that because of course there's trust issues, right. And then from that point, you know, I remember leaving college with a girl telling me oh my God, I thought you had cancer and I always thought that you were, like you know, the most cancer patient ever. Like when I say, like I've dealt with some ignorant stuff, with alopecia. And then you have to think everybody you date, you have to tell them you have to have the conversation, yeah let you know, under my wig I don't have any hair.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:You know I don't have my eyebrows, I don't have my lashes and you know like it makes you not even want to date. You know what I mean because, like I keep telling this story.
Kate:So then say we break up now you have my secret you know, the hardest thing to heal from ever yeah yes, I, I'm learning that, um, but yeah, that is when you're so open and I'm a very open book at least by now I am but I'm also very vulnerable. Especially if I'm close to you, I will become vulnerable and I will share. To the extreme, though, is when I really trust you and I've done that in the past where it's like man and I've had people use what I've shared with them and use it against me, and there's nothing harder to heal from than that, because it's like here I gave you a piece of my heart.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:Oh, you're not, you're gonna give it back, but it's shattered no, I gotta, but I had to learn how to control my own narrative right right, that was another heart.
Kate:I was done being the victim of my story. I couldn't. I was like this is getting old me so much right, like it was stopped, but for 30 plus years I'm like activities. This is getting old Because it ruled me so much right, like it was stopped, but for 30 plus years I'm like this has got me nowhere.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:But I'm just like what am I about to do? Obviously, my hair's not growing. Obviously I woke up another day it's not a single stroke. You're like. Jesus, I love you, you learn how to do your own eyebrows, jesus, I'm taking the wheel this time eyebrows.
Kate:Jesus, I'm taking the wheel this time Eyelashes.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:You know, you learn how to find good people that do great hair, and you just learn how to do that yourself, Like I had to learn how to pick myself up right. So then it got to the point that people didn't even know I had alopecia, yeah, but then I am still living in this constant fear every single day, even to today.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:Well, to this day, I would say that I am at a much better place than I was right. So you think two years ago? I think it was like two years ago when I was nominated for Golden Apple and it was just like this is why I tell you she's an amazing teacher.
Kate:Did you hear that last part? Nominated for Golden Apple?
Ronette Lusby-Brown:Yeah, so I should have won. What three, four hundred teachers in the state of illinois? I placed in the top 30 and then I actually ended at the 11th I know I know I was so sad because I should have been in that top 10, I know, but 11th is a good number um, I became a teacher of distinction so I still get to work with golden apple and I just became a mentor.
Kate:Yeah, she's telling you guys.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:When I say amazing teacher, she's right here but it took that yeah for me to finally tell my story. So a newspaper um contacted me oh and at that point, when I told my alopecia story and that this is why I'm doing it, it was out there at that point yeah, okay, I didn't know that part.
Kate:I mean, I've known you didn't tell um the story up until, I want to say, probably the last five years I, I didn't know, but I'm my story.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:Yeah, my trauma is now becoming my superpower and I.
Kate:that's why I say I utilize my darkness and turn it into my light and I'm like and I'm standing strong in my spotlight Cause I may not want to have children because of the fear of that happening to my children.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:It just stops so much, you know, for me.
Kate:Is there testing that can be done Like genetic testing?
Ronette Lusby-Brown:You know what I don't know?
Kate:Cause I know, for me it's every, it's 50, 50 with every child, I don't even like your kids prepare for like hey 14.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:You know I just in my heart. This was my plight. This is what God just wanted me to go through, and he's not going to do this to my children.
Kate:OK. You know, but I also think it would be different about. You know, like their hair care, and you know what I mean.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:Yeah, sometimes I have to like pull it back yeah. But I also know that in my heart I just want to believe that this is what God wanted me to go through, because I use that pain to be an amazing SPAD teacher.
Kate:Yes.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:Like. I just feel that with special ed teachers there's no amount of training that they can do to make you be a great teacher. Right, you have to be in the thick of it yes it's your experiences that make you an amazing spare teacher, and my golden apple platform was I am fighting for the underdog. I know what it is like to be made fun of and talked about and bullied for something that I have absolutely no control over yeah if I can talk to talk to Jesus, you better believe.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:I'm not going to be like all right, listen Jay, because at that point he's going to be Jay Like. I'm not going to be like listen up, jay. Yeah, jc, what's up, I want you to give me alopecia, right, and make sure you do it like at the height of adolescence.
Kate:Oh yeah, because puberty is by far the easiest.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:Yes, Like just do it at the right time and then don't just pull some of the hair. Take all of it. And then on top of that, as a bonus, come on, jason, my eyebrows, eyelashes.
Kate:Like yeah, definitely, you know what I mean.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:like he's like, I got you yeah yeah, but he had me right, but it's like I would never ask for this right, but on the other end, yeah this has made me who I am today. It's made me sympathetic and empathetic yeah you know, and that's why, when I'm teaching, yes, I might have a classroom of students with a cognitive level of you know. Second, or third grade. But guess what I taught in Lord of the Flies?
Kate:Yes.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:And they preferred the original, not the Hollywood updated version. Really, they were actually in real choir robes Right, but they knew the characters in Lord choir robes right, but they knew the characters in lord of the flies. They knew what happened, they knew my setting, they knew the plot, they knew who the antagonist was, the protagonist. They walked out my room knowing all of that right, because I'm going to teach you to understand. It is my goal to teach students what other people think that they don't know right or they can't.
Kate:Which again, we get a lot of people that label our students not just special ed but basically just students that can't learn.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:Yes.
Kate:They see our kids in such a different way as even coaching Special Olympics. It's like they can't do that, but these kids bring more to life and they teach you not just what's going on within them in the classroom. They teach you love, they teach you empathy, they teach you humor and just everything that you can think of that you don't think of on the daily because you let that all go, especially if you're not present in the moment.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:But they want it, yeah, they want to learn. I have one student every day. What are we doing today? Mrs Lesby, you just walked in the room I get.
Kate:Yeah, I don't even. It's like they get in the door. They're like Ms Good, ms Good, ms Good.
Kate:If you don't say hi right away. It's funny, even when I was realizing because obviously a good portion of my teaching career I didn't love myself or have self-worth that I was just amazed by. But, man, the difference of feeling their love now versus then, like I was appreciative of it, I was like, oh, that's cute, that's endearing, you know it's what I do. But now it's like the cutest thing ever, where it's like look at the butterflies, you know you make my heart full.
Kate:And it's like really or it's like my clock goes up, it's like hug time, but they really, yeah, really love you like yeah I love what I do.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:Yes, this is a pandemic. We rock the hell out of covid. No God, no I was teaching the outsiders and I will never forget, I would record myself reading the chapters, Okay, and I would send them links of the chapters to read. And then I had, I knew how to like share my screen.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:And I will never forget they had to draw a scene, illustrate a scene from the book, when they had the fight with the knife, you know, oh yeah, oh yeah. And I saw how amazingly talented my students were because, um, I had one girl who actually drew the fountain that was in that scene you know, and you know the way that they. You know how I described the greasers when they drew the pictures everyone had blue jeans on and you know white t-shirt.
Kate:That was one of my favorite books to go through and I still have it. You know what I mean.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:Yeah, and then we were able to compare and contrast the movie with the book, but like they got it.
Kate:Yeah.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:You know like they got it over COVID, like I rocked COVID.
Kate:We made it the best we could. We didn't have the resources like that, but what we would do is we would go live and teach our cleaning. So it was like we could clean our own house while they're cleaning their house. But then we'd just have almost like social work hours where we would just talk to our kids, because our kids were much older. But they just needed that. Well, parents want to just keep busy. They just needed that. Well, parents want to just keep busy. Because at that point they were like we don't really care. You know, they didn't have the energy to put them on the computers, but so how?
Ronette Lusby-Brown:difficult. It was for the pain like oh yeah, it was yeah and as hard as that was, like I wanted to cry, like every night, I still had to be strong because of course we had a lot of staff that were not computer savvy. So like I didn't have a choice but to be computer savvy yeah, I know. And then I didn't have a choice but to be able to share that with everybody, because I wanted everybody else to feel confident in themselves and their craft during that time yeah and it'd be like loves me.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:I'm so sorry for bothering you. You're not a bother no and then I would cry later.
Kate:You know what I mean I would always just tell the parents, as they were texting, like listen, we're working, we're doing this together. There is no? So then sometimes I would just call the parents and do a check-in, because they found that easier. They're like, thank you, and I'm like I get it. I would check in with them too, because I can only imagine what that's like. They need that break too, because it is a lot, you know it's. There's so much going on that sometimes it's a nice little reprieve for the parents when the kids go to school and we have them for the eight hours. Then they come home because of just their different disabilities, their behaviors, everything.
Kate:It's just taxing let alone, that they probably have other children at home. I can't imagine I live alone, and when I get my nephews I would always like put my hand on their chest and start sleeping like you wake, you wake, you sleep in, you breathe in. I slept Anytime. I would invite my nephew to sleep over. I never slept because, I. You said I've done this. Better done that. No, I couldn't. I like even with the students, though it's like you never want anything to go wrong because it's on your watch.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:Yeah, but that's where that self-reflection piece came from. Piece yeah, oh yeah. I remember, if I have a lesson that I planned out so amazing in my head and it didn't go anywhere and I would go in my car and cry oh, I never did that.
Kate:No, I was just like man. At least I pulled something off.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:But I'm always like self-reflecting yeah, oh god, yeah, that's telling me like you're so hard on yourself. You know, it's not that I want to be hard. I guess part of my dominant side is like I don don't like to fail, you know.
Kate:So you almost carry that divine masculine more than the divine feminine in you. Absolutely I'm opposite, so I carry more of the feminine. So I was just emotionally lost in it all. So now I've been finding that balance where I like that leadership role, which is where you probably would never hear me say like I would love to use my Type 75, but for that In the past I'd be like, nope, don't even talk to me, don't even look at me. Nope, no, admin, I don't have that in me, I don't have that leadership.
Kate:During our evaluation it was just like you need to give me the smile and the nod. I'm like just say it, can you just say it? And he's like you need to utilize your leadership skills because they're well. I don't think you take into account what you do. And I'm like okay, but can you give me a little bit more? But then I was like I don't got time. We've already been here for over 45 minutes. I'll pick and break later. But then it dawned on me. I was like I would love to do part of the admin portion and kind of have him go back to what he's good at you know, a district office and let me be a part of like what. What needs to be done?
Ronette Lusby-Brown:Yeah.
Kate:Because there's so much that needs to be done, but too many blocks.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:See, and I just think that you, just you have to take that program and make it yours.
Kate:So far it's been getting there.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:It's really yeah, go for it, you know, and administration, you ask them questions later. You know, listen, just do it.
Kate:That'd be a great bulletin board. Just do it. Yep with a big Nike symbol, and then just put all the things that you want to accomplish or that you have Almost like half of. It could be everything that you already have accomplished and all your desired goals for the year. Yeah, oh, and make them in gym shoes. Yes, oh.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:Don't be a dumb bulletin board. Yeah.
Kate:Whoa, we don't have those, but you can do it. Wow, wow, I know that's that.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:You know that flow that kind of just when.
Kate:Well, that's why I think we got a lot more done this year because of that. And I told him you know, I wasn't afraid to speak up and I said I go my job. I said, if anything, you might not like it or appreciate it, but my job is to be an advocate for the kids and I will die fighting. Let's make this year about the kids. What's a no, Everything's a no. It's crazy. Then he's like what can I to help? Not say no. How about follow through? Yeah, yeah, if I give you a task, I need to follow through, not last minute follow through right now.
Kate:Yeah, over the summer you got plenty of time to get all this done. That's what we just talked about for monday's meeting.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:He's looking at me like oh okay, I was like yeah, I'm highlighting you on this one just, I'm always trying to be careful, like with my voice, because I know that I'm very passionate about what I'm talking about, right? So the one thing that I didn't know and it took for my dance team, some of my girls is that my scolding voice and my, let me tell you right. So I didn't know that I can be like oh my God, like get it together, why can't you get five, six, seven, eight? And then I'd be like oh my God, like that was amazing, like great job and they look at you like are you serious?
Kate:Are you just like are you gaslighting me?
Ronette Lusby-Brown:But it would be cricket and I'm just like I'm serious. You know, but I'm also one of those people that I'd be like that was so funny, yeah, so funny, yeah, but I don't laugh?
Kate:no, I don't, but you have to be around you so much to know. Like I pick up on energy so I can read that. But I get what they're saying because that does make sense yeah, but I I didn't know that I did that right.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:So you know, if I'm just like um, you mess up on this account one more time like I'm going to lose my mind, like I'm gonna go bananas and then it'd be like you just kill that in a good way, like I'm so proud of you like good job. They're like it's like and I'm just like, but that was a compliment what does that mean?
Kate:me myself and irene? They're like. Which person are you?
Ronette Lusby-Brown:but I didn't know like my voices were the same. Yeah, I tried to be more intentional you know what I mean and like smile with it because stuff will be so funny. Like I told you, I crack up I know sometimes like I'm really cracking up inside and I'll just say that was really funny yeah, but you'll get the stutter boys yeah, that was funny, funny that you're like can I, can I get some emotion coming up here, like, is it funny, are you sure?
Ronette Lusby-Brown:when they know you, you apply it and you like you do better yeah so I just think that just with me, with teaching goods, like I absolutely love what I do.
Kate:And I oh, it shows, I mean my intro.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:it shows like I want it to show right Like I love the kids.
Kate:Yeah.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:I love making sure parents are okay.
Kate:Yeah.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:And then I love making sure staff are okay. I never want you guys being able. Even on my worst day, where I have no energy, I still want to be able to be a life source, you know.
Kate:I still want to throw that life jacket out for you. You know what I mean. Oh, for sure, yeah.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:You know I cry in the car.
Kate:We've got to work on the whole, not crying all the time, though I think no, I don't want to just cry first of all.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:No, okay, I've got my makeup for the day, so Okay, the way you're making it.
Kate:I was like does she cry every day? Oh, okay.
Ronette Lusby-Brown:Sometimes I cry just because I'm happy. Oh, I get that, yeah, there are times where I'll cry, pulling up in my driveway.
Kate:I'll put my car in park and sit there. I wanted to say thank you for enduring all of that. As I was playing it back and re-listening and editing which there was a lot to edit due to the unforeseen circumstances of our mics connecting and then making some kind of crazy noise I realized that I had recorded this episode in the summer, early summer, prior to knowing what was going on with my body. And I know if you're new, you're going to have to go back to some of the earlier episodes of season four and if you're someone who's followed along, you would definitely know, by hearing my breathing in a lot of this which I could not edit out, unfortunately, because there was a duet of microphones going that my breathing was so heavy and again, the signs were all there. I thought it was just allergies, as I'm going through allergies now and I know that at the time I quit smoking and I thought, okay, my body was just going to use to it. But really, right after that I had gone on my vacation for three weeks to Thailand and that is when the weight gain just kind of popped within my stomach and, if you're new to the whole episode, I ended up having some serious uterine fibroids that were so massive that it actually made me look and feel like I was 29 weeks pregnant by the time I had my hysterectomy. So my breathing was very labored in this episode and it probably will be for part two.
Kate:So thank you, even if you cringe during it. Thank you for listening, as always, for your support, and God love you. But isn't my friend amazing? I just have to put that out there. It was. It gave me a lot of laughter editing this, because when we're together it's just the jokes, the banter, love it. All right, stay tuned for the part two coming soon.