Infinite Love with Kate
Infinite Love with Kate
S4: Ep: 65 "Laughter and Tears: Navigating Life's Curves"
What happens when life throws you a curveball and your body feels like a stranger? Join me, Kate, on Infinite Love as I share my deeply personal journey with uterine fibroids and the upcoming surgery that promises to restore harmony with my body. Through laughter with friends who jokingly ask if I'm "25 weeks along" to the struggles of tying my shoes, I recount the physical and emotional rollercoaster of dealing with fibroids. Despite the discomfort, I hold a profound sense of gratitude and optimism, underscoring the incredible resilience of women and the importance of genuine support from friends and colleagues.
Healing isn't just about the physical—it’s a holistic journey of self-reflection and personal growth. During a heartfelt breakfast chat with a friend, we dive into the fears and anxieties surrounding my surgery, uncovering the power of vulnerability and open dialogue. We celebrate the different energies our friends bring into our lives, highlighting how unfiltered honesty and authenticity can help us mirror each other's strength and grow. Tune in to be inspired by stories of resilience, the importance of authentic friendships, and the beauty found in embracing life's challenges together. Thank you for listening to another enriching episode of Infinite Love with Kate.
Hey, it's Kate, back at you with another episode of Infinite Love T-minus two weeks tomorrow. I don't normally do countdowns, but let me tell you I am ready for this countdown, not because it's two weeks to my last episode, but I'm off for a month. I can't believe it. Season four is coming to an end, but we'll talk more about that next week. Right now, my T-minus countdown is. I'm ready. I'm ready for my upcoming surgery. I am ready to breathe again, I'm ready to feel like myself again. I'm ready to feel realigned to my body. So I know I shared a little bit here and there about going to the doctors before my trip, after my trip, finding out that I had uterine fibroids and I am only getting bigger by the minute. When I say I am mirroring pregnancy, I am mirroring pregnancy. Last time I was at the doctors he basically said I was 24 weeks. I'm probably 26 weeks now.
Speaker 1:I just went to breakfast with a friend and I told her I hadn't seen her in a while, probably almost a year, and I said brace yourself, looking a little different. Everyone at work, they're used to it. I mean, there's no hiding it. I have no clothes to hide it. I don't go out and buy maternity clothes to cover it up. It is what it is and I am embracing it. I have to. You can't hide it and I'm not going to sit there and feel uncomfortable in my own body. Even though I feel uncomfortable, I'm not going to allow it to make me uncomfortable in my own body. So majority of my friends have all been pregnant and those that have, who see me, they're just like good God. But the best conversations I have as of late are how amazing my friends, my colleagues, my support group, my closest peoples are when they say I am so ready for this to be over for you. And I know that they mean so well because as energetic as I try to be at work, as energetic as I try to be in life, I'm obviously not the same person, because I'm out of breath Majority of the time. My insides are basically just all being smashed by these fibroids and I'm grateful. And you're gonna think weird, but I am grateful. I'm grateful for the experience of what it does feel like to be pregnant. Honestly, I mean, I look the part, I feel the part. Why not pretend to play the part?
Speaker 1:So when I went out to breakfast with my friend, I was trying to get into her minivan and of course I have to to like use the handle to lift myself up, not because, not only because of my weight gain, but I'm short, let's not play games. I mean, I'm short and I'm 44 years old, not as limber that I think I am sometimes. So I was like ta-da, I'm like holding my belly and her face drops. And she's like wait what? And so of course I gotta play along with this. I'm like, yeah, 25 weeks, like I told you, I had a surprise. She goes, you know, and she's her look was priceless. And she's like, oh my god, congratulations. But I have so many questions. And I was like, oh god, she really believes me. I'm like, okay, okay, I'm just kidding.
Speaker 1:I said I explained the whole story. I'm like, no, there's several uterine fibroids and I just had a biopsy. So my doctor said there's actually more growing and they're just growing and growing, and growing. And even my doctor cannot wait for me to have these removed because he knows that this must be so uncomfortable. I'll backtrack to the biopsy in a minute.
Speaker 1:So we're laughing about it and I'm telling her and I'm describing the whole scenario and she's like, oh good, god, how are you doing that? You know she has several kids, her person, her own. Yeah, she's little tiny, like me, so she knows the feelings and I told her I was like this is crazy. I was like I can't even bend over to tie my shoes at times. I'm like it just gets worse, especially when I'm on my period, like it just gets worse. I'm over it. So we're laughing, we're having a good laugh about it.
Speaker 1:And you know she was telling me if I needed anything. She only lives a block away. I needed anything, she'd come over. I said no, you know, I guess refreshing to have a whole month off, not that the recovery sounds amazing, but honestly I just had emergency hernia surgery during the pandemic. That was horrifyingly painful for a hot second. So I'm just hoping it's all the same.
Speaker 1:And then I bounce back quick. That's my mentality and that's what I'm gonna go with. And honestly, I have to feel so much better than how I feel now. So I'm not just thinking of the you know the day I come home and how painful that is, but I'm thinking overall, the long run, that I'm going to feel so much better that I'm going to be back on my feet, running and working out, doing everything I want to do and matching my high energy to my physicality, to my body's energy. So I can't wait to feel fully aligned. That's my excitement. So, yes, even though there's a negative, I'm taking all the positives with me.
Speaker 1:And here I am out of breath, which explains my entire year of episodes where I kept talking about how I'm out of breath, not knowing that my organs were getting crushed, that my intestines were getting pushed up to my lungs. It's great. You women, seriously, I'm going to tell you over and over, women are rock stars. Men you cannot. Seriously, I'm gonna tell you over and over, women are rock stars, men you cannot. If there are men listening, you do not have the audacity to ever make judgment on women and their bodies and what they go through. Because, my god, women gotta do this. For nine months I'm over here just struggling, just trying to, just trying, trying to just stay aflo. I probably would float right now in the water with this belly, but yeah, so here I am trucking along, living large, no pun intended.
Speaker 1:And this past Thursday I had a biopsy and that was probably the worst experience of my life. I had to go through this whole prep work, not going to share too much because you don't need to hear it, but I will say that my inner child wounds, my trauma like was re-sparked because just of the numbing that they had to give me. My fibroids are so massive that everything was in the way and every time he would move my fibroids over, I'd push down another organ and so when they gave me the shot, it literally was felt in my spine, then rose to my head, my face went numb, my ears went numb and I was literally having an out of body experience and the tears just flowed and I just screamed mother, you know, finish the rest of the sentence and I felt so bad. But I didn't have time to feel bad because the pain and the trauma and the out ofbody experience I didn't know which one to deal with first. There was so much to deal with and I was just trying to stay balanced and trying to figure out what just happened and knowing that I had to prepare myself for shot number two and it was the same pain, except for I didn't have the out-of-body experience I just screamed and cried and then I just did my deep breathing and that's when my doctor told me he's like when is your surgery? I'm like September 3rd. He's like okay, I am so happy to hear that. I'm glad you chose a sooner date because this needs to come out now. And I'm grateful I did that because, honestly, I really contemplated waiting until Christmas break. What was I thinking? I probably would have been 36 weeks pregnant by then, with my fictitious gremlin growing inside me. I don't, there's no way. There is no way. So yeah, here I am ready to burst at the seams, but I'm already week.
Speaker 1:Was it week two? Week three? Week three into work and I this is what's blowing my mind is week three Granted? Week one is all meetings. Week two was the first week of students last week. We're in week three and we're we're trucking along, we're moving things as fast as we can with the limited energy any of us have.
Speaker 1:I'm trying, I'm really, really trying. I come home and I'm useless. I mean, I thought I was just aging, but man, no, I'm useless and it takes every ounce of me to motivate myself and I know this goes around for everybody, because anyone I talk to who isn't carrying a gremlin says the same thing. I think it's just that being off of work and then you go back, you're just drained. But I've had all this energy, like that's why I don't align. I have all this energy. I want to do so many different things and I can't, so it's like I don't know which to deal with. So I just sit in my couch and I'm like, ah, okay, I'm cool, I'm relaxed, I'm ready and I get nothing done. But today I had to do this. I had to start my podcast because I did not want to be up all night editing, because, let's face it, I would not be up all night editing.
Speaker 1:So here we are, living life on a Monday night, ready for bed. Can't wait. What about you? What are you doing over there, the world? How's your week going? How's your life going? I want to hear about your life. In fact, that is what I'm probably going to start doing next week before I say my goodbyes and my thank yous and whatnot, to close out season four, which, honestly, has been the craziest, wildest season I've had. I've loved every part of this season. I've learned so much through this season and I've really experienced life through this season, taking my podcast on the go. It's been an adventure and I kind of think I'm gonna continue this and I know, while I heal over the month's break. Normally, I would love to, you know, get a head start, but I know that probably won't happen. I'm gonna really dive deep into what my goal is when I return. Love to you know, get a head start, but I know that probably won't happen. I'm going to really dive deep into what my goal is when I return to season five, you know, before closing out another amazing year.
Speaker 1:So if you have any suggestions, feel free to hit me up with an email, a message, a text message. When you click on to any of my links, it's the first, the first message up. It'll say click here. If you'd like to leave a message, do it. I ask do you have any suggestions or ideas or questions? Hit me up with those messages.
Speaker 1:I love when people share. I love hearing back from you just as much as I love sharing with all of you. You know, it's always amazing to connect with the audience. So any message is a great message. So I welcome all and I'm open to receiving all in my highest good. I want to say thank you. Thank you for sitting along here with me, listening to me ramble on about my health, about what's been going on in my life these past few months, honestly, as I have navigated slowly but surely, listened to my body, I've listened to my intuition, I've become the voice for myself, the advocate speaking up for myself when others may have looked over it, and it's really allowed me to get to where I'm at.
Speaker 1:And again, I know my surgery is in two weeks from today. Wow, and yes, I'm nervous. Nobody really wants to go under for a surgery and I know it's something I've really been working on since my surgery during the pandemic, when I really crumbled under pressure, under anxiety, and all this fear was coming out of me, you know, and there was not much I could do. However, there was parts of me that knew I could control it, but I wasn't ready yet. I was still going through the whole healing process. I was still in the beginning stages and by reflecting back onto that situation, I knew I could identify that I have a huge fear of the hospital, of my inner child trauma that I had to navigate through it, that I had to sit with and work through. And I've done a lot over the years. I've really come a long way, so I don't have that much anxiety built up again.
Speaker 1:Once the day comes, it may come to surface, but I'm not afraid at all. I don't fear, and I was just telling my friend while we were out for breakfast that through this whole healing journey, that is the one thing. When we were talking about life and death, I said I'm not afraid of death. I used to always be afraid of death. Nobody wants to die. I don't want to die young. But I told her that these last couple years have really made me proud of the place I'm at, the strength I have, that I have no regrets, that I have come into union with my own self and that's key. So death doesn't scare me. I'm not feeling like I'd have any shortcomings and I wouldn't want anyone to suffer from God, help my soul, you know, not speaking or manifesting death, but I would not want anyone to suffer because of my loss. Take my love with you, take what I've done with my life with you.
Speaker 1:Don't grieve which I know is hard because we all naturally grieve. You grieve your own self. I've learned that was probably one of my hardest stages in life was grieving my own self. For every time I was healing and losing that old, unhealed version of me, I would grieve that person because now you're stepping into the new, uncomfortable, unknown parts of you and they're not really built up yet, but they're growing just like a butterfly going through the stages and you can sense and feel the changes but yet you're still uncomfortable. That experience alone is kind of what grief is. When you go through the changes and it's uncomfortable and there's anxiety and there's moments of loss of breath, you just you want to run from your own self for a hot second and then you realize who you are and each time you go through this process, these changes, you come out brighter, stronger, healthier version of you, your most highest version.
Speaker 1:So that's where I'm at and my friend was really proud of me for that. You know, because that's a hard conversation to have with someone. You just don't. Most people don't want to talk about that, most people can't. And I get it and I understand it and I respect it and we were at a place where we could talk about it and she was proud of of me and it was nice to hear such reaction back. You know, versus judgment it could have easily been a judgment and she didn't, and I really enjoyed talking to her because we were very open, we're very honest, we're very vulnerable and we're real. We're about as real as you can get with each other.
Speaker 1:Because why hold back? Why sugar, sugarcoat, why lie? It is what it is and this is how far we've gotten in our lives. So why hold back? Let's put it all on the table and just be, and I hope people out there have those friends like that. We have multitude of friends in our lives and they all come in different sizes, shapes, forms, packages in different sizes, shapes, forms, packages, energies, loves, lights, and you respect and enjoy those friendships. And it's nice that everyone is so different.
Speaker 1:And this is why I love her so much is because it's the brutal truth. What you see is what you got. There's no BS around it, there's no white lies, there's nothing, just pure confidence, pure sass. And I used to be so intimidated by her because of that. But that was the insecure me Facing the mirror, a reflection of what I desired to be Confident, standing in your power, and she did that at such a young age. So now it's nice because we mirror that back and forth to each other and that's growth right there for me and I'll take it and I'll run with it and I'll never turn back from it. So thank you again for another amazing, amazing episode of Infinite Love with Kate. Have a beautiful, beautiful day and remember to love yourself, love your body, love your light.