Infinite Love with Kate
Infinite Love with Kate
S4: Ep: 57 -Navigating Life with Grace
Have you ever wondered if waiting for retirement to enjoy life is the best approach? In this heartfelt episode of Infinite Love On the Go, I embark on a personal journey through a three-week adventure, reflecting on lessons learned from my first solo international trip last year. I share the significant realization of living in the moment and embracing abundance today. As a special ed teacher and content creator on TikTok, I discuss the intrinsic rewards and joys of these roles, encouraging a mindset of self-compassion and grace, and emphasizing the importance of celebrating inner richness daily.
Overcoming fear and inadequacy, setting boundaries, and aligning actions with one's true self are critical themes explored in this episode. I open up about my past karmic cycles and how they led to my healing and growth, stressing the significance of doing inner work and resisting the pitfalls of seeking external validation. By sharing my personal story, I highlight the need to listen to one's own needs and respect the uniqueness of each individual’s journey, which may include necessary periods of separation for personal growth.
Teachers often carry immense emotional and professional burdens, and I dive into the societal judgments they face, affecting their mental health. Through a poignant story involving a conflict with a coworker, I emphasize the importance of self-evaluation, forgiveness, and letting go of unhealed versions of ourselves and others. Wrapping up, I extend an open invitation for feedback and connection, expressing immense gratitude for the audience’s support and excitement for the future of Infinite Love Global. Join me as we navigate personal growth, relationships, and the transformative power of self-acceptance.
Disclaimer: I am not a practitioner, just a soul offering her own personal healing journey.
Welcome to Infinite Love On the Go. Today's going to be a little different, because I'm not technically on the go, but I am on the go within my own home as I'm packing, and let me explain. So I have something a little bit exciting to share with you. For the next three weeks, I will be out of town and taking the podcast with me. I'm not just going out of town, though, you see. Let me travel back in time to last year Around the same time.
Speaker 1:Last year, I was preparing myself for my first solo trip internationally, because I was ready, because of all the healing work I did, because I was worthy of a trip. And I also thought to myself why, why would one create a bucket list to just sit and watch and stare at their bucket list and not do anything about it? And then I thought why do most teachers, such as myself, wait until they're retired to tackle their bucket lists? Why wait that long? You're not guaranteed tomorrow, so why not live today? Live in the moment, set yourself free, and for me, this year it's really been about that mindset of I live in abundance. Now, outside, looking in, you might think, okay, she is abundant, great job, successful, doing well, and that may be the case, or you can look at it my way. Obviously, I'm a teacher. We know teachers are not paid as well as other professions, but the rewards are intrinsic within. The gratitude and appreciation of the success stories of our own students is all felt within. It's because of their own hard work, their tenacity, that I enjoy being a special ed teacher. So then I could say, okay, well, no-transcript, I did those things for myself, but also to help others through my story, through my struggles, through my healing, through my work, through my honesty, through my carelessness, because I'm not perfect and I've made mistakes over time. But it's about learning from those mistakes, it's about taking accountability, and they're not just mistakes, they're just part of the journey, so holding compassion and grace for myself along the way. So why do I need to get paid for it when I'm enjoying what I'm doing and it's helping somebody else out, even if it's one person? That was my whole goal this entire time. I asked universe to align me with the right souls that I can learn from and that they too can learn from me. And that's what I'm doing on TikTok. I love every part of it. I love all the connections I have made. So because a year ago, well, to two years ago, to even three years ago, I would have never thought that I held creativity the way I do, and I know that's my gift.
Speaker 1:It's how I share my stories and how I allow my feelings and emotions, my vulnerabilities and my authenticity to come through, to shine through, and that has excelled and vibrated at different, higher levels the more work I've done within. Do I acknowledge this? Yes. Do I commend myself for all the hard work I've done? Yes. Do I validate myself? Yes, was any of this easy? Is any of this easy? No, and therefore, why not?
Speaker 1:Why not do something for myself? Why not spoil myself? Why wait until I'm retired? Why wait until I'm rich? I'm already rich, rich within, I'm abundant. Why wait? Why wait until I can afford things completely? That way, I have no debt.
Speaker 1:Right, it makes sense. I lived in that life for so long of fear, fear of never having enough, fear of never feeling enough. So you see that inadequacy, it just reflected outwardly and I no longer feel inadequate. So there's key number one I no longer feel inadequate. Therefore, I am abundant in all areas of my life. Am I a work in progress? Yes, I don't negate that. We all are. See, I'm not going to sit here and sugarcoat or pretend that I am perfect or that everything is easy. Nope, nope, nope. I have great days, I have amazing days and periodically I might have a bad day, and guess what? I'm not denying it, I won't deny it. So you see, I am here and I'm doing the work, won't deny it. So you see, I am here and I'm doing the work and I'm living proof that a mindset and a soul and a heart and emotions and healing, everything can shift in a moment's notice without you even noticing.
Speaker 1:Now, in the beginning of my healing, did I sit or kneel on my knees and pray? Pray that this would go by fast, pray that this healing would come quicker or that these emotions would just go away? Yes, naivety at its finest. Because the more I pray the pathway without doing the work, the more universe said oh, I got more for you, I got more for you. I got what we call karma, karmic lessons, karmic cycles, especially on the days that I was well opposite of what I was projecting, opposite of what I was feeling, opposite of what I was even doing. So I learned very quickly. I don't want karma, I don't want repeated cycles. I don't want generational trauma anymore. Nope, nope, nope.
Speaker 1:I lived for 39 years of my life in these karmic cycles of repetition, over and over and over. Did I learn things along the way? Yes, because at 30, I told my mom I needed to stop volunteering Now to say that what I was doing wasn't good. But I wasn't aligned to it anymore Because I was no longer feeling like myself, because I was giving away everything I could for those less fortunate. Is that good? Yes, of course it's good. However, when you get lost in pouring into others, what you're doing is running from your own self. So, judgment or not, anyone that wants to judge me for what I may have chose for myself, like how could you just think like that being selfish is better than volunteering every year for victims of natural disasters? Well, I did it since I was 15. And so, 15 to 30, I did this for 15 years.
Speaker 1:I've been everywhere, all across the United States, including Puerto Rico, and I'm proud of myself and I took great pride in what I was doing, because it wasn't about me. It never was about me. In those moments there's no accolades, there's no exposure of. I need to share this. Most people don't even know I do that or did that in my past, so I don't need to share it. I don't need your validation of what I've done with it. But what I did notice for myself was I no longer aligned to that, because I was realizing I was lost and the more I was giving away of myself, the less of a soul I was becoming. Now did I dive into that healing right out from there? Unfortunately, no. Was that God or universe's biggest sign for me to do the work? Obviously, but karma was going to come back. But karma was going to come back. It was all due in time. That's okay. I have no regrets. I just wasn't meant to do the things I was supposed to do in those moments.
Speaker 1:Everything aligns and it has a purpose To get me to exactly where I'm at today, and I love where I'm at today. I love being able to express to all of you my appreciation, my love, my joy. This is who I am and this is where I've been so fast forward and I'm here and I've been doing the work and I've been listening so much more, so, so so much more to myself, to my body, to my needs, to my alignment, to what others project onto me and I'm going to say this we all have our journeys. Our journeys are not all the same and they're not always going to be aligned, and maybe, just maybe, they're misguided or pulled apart for a purpose. Is it forever? No, or pulled apart for a purpose Is it forever? No? But maybe, just maybe, my life, my journey, was pulled away from yours because you have something to learn or because I have something to learn, and so I've come across people telling me that I need to do this or I should be doing this, and here's how I feel about that. I thank you for what you've offered, even though I didn't ask for it, but I also say this is yours and not mine, because here's the thing I will listen to someone who offers a suggestion If it comes with kindness, if it comes from a place of love, if it comes from a place of honesty don't get me twisted I can read energy. So when you project something onto me and you tell me I should be doing this, and then I evaluate and say, hmm, maybe, just maybe, what you're offering isn't for me, maybe it's your teaching method that doesn't serve me in that moment, maybe our paths aren't meant to be aligned right now, because there's something you need to work on More, so within yourself. There's something more I need to do on my own personal journey and I trust in that. We all have a journey right. We all have something to learn from ourselves before we can go on and learn from others.
Speaker 1:I had not many great teachers in my life and I get it. Most teachers are just burnt out. Teaching is not for everyone. The job is demanding, it's grueling, it's emotionally painful. You have to take all that stuff home with you. You take other children's stories and their home lives and their pains and lack of you take it all home with you. You take the abuse of parents who put all that weight and pressure on you. You take it home with you. You take school districts, policies, procedures, administrations, your principal all piling on top of you. Administration, your principal all piling on top of you. You take it home with you. It's constantly demand, demand, demand with little to no pay, and yet you still take it home with you. You take a lot of abuse that most people find easy to judge, because we get a week or two off during winter and then we get six to eight weeks off during summer. So what a cushy job. But what people forget to factor in is the fact that we're underpaid, overworked and we take work home with us. I guarantee nine out of 10 household with a teacher in it watch that person work into the wee hours of late and get up early and do it all over again because they take it home with them.
Speaker 1:So why do teachers have to take home that judgment? Not only the demands of an actual job, but then the judgment of society. You should be doing more. Oh, it's such an easy job, oh this that I mean. Everyone has an opinion right. And that's where opinions end up stopping for me, because I don't know what's going on in your life, but I know I don't have to take your judgment home with me. I refuse to Just like I'm working on not taking work home with me. I value my life, I value my worth, and if someone can't see that worth at the job, well then, I'm not going to give you the extra 150% I take home with me. Nope, I'm going to take me home, I'm going to pour back into me because I'm worth it. So, before I go off tangent, the whole point is I didn't have a lot of teachers that I made a connection with that met my specific needs emotionally, intellectually, spiritually. So of course I may not have liked them or I may not have learned well from them, and that's the key.
Speaker 1:The second key to life is what you offer others. Are you ready to be offering that? Should you be offering that piece of advice, an opinion, a suggestion, before looking in within yourself? Because, because if you're forcing that offering onto somebody without there being any segue into it, then you're not offering. You're basically passive, aggressively, telling a person what they should or should not do, or how they should feel or what they should think. And that, to me, is what I know, which is the whole point of this conversation, is I know who I'm ready to learn from because of that soul connection.
Speaker 1:So, do you value others' time as you project? You want to be valued of your time, because in life it goes both ways. Otherwise you're placating yourself as higher, as more above, and the only person I look at as above is God, and that's my path that I'm led on. The universe designs the path and I listen At least now I finally listen to all the signs and move when my intuition and my soul and my spirit tells me to. Just so you know, this was me for the longest time.
Speaker 1:People would give me their criticism, their judgments or their opinions. I wouldn't evaluate it. I instead would feel it all and persecute myself for it, shame myself, guilt myself, without trusting in my intuition, saying that's not for me, that doesn't belong to me, that's your judgment. And I didn't see where it was coming from. Was what they were saying coming from a good space, or was it coming from a broken place, an unhealed place? So now I evaluate. Do I have off moments? Yes, but guess what? I just had an episode this summer One of my coworkers who became a boss to me for the summer, which is great.
Speaker 1:I have mad respect and love for her. She's actually one of the people I was talking about earlier last week. That will be on my future episodes. So during summer school we were going swimming and everyone had to turn in $5 to swim. Three of our kids did not pay, and could it have been because the parent forgot or they didn't have money Either way. We had 21 kids going and three that weren't. And I offered to pay and my coworker shut me down and we were having a group meeting and shut me down immediately and she basically said we're not doing that. We're not doing that this summer, we're not offering to pay for parents. That's their responsibility. They got enough notices. Yadda, yadda, yadda and I got it.
Speaker 1:However, I had to remove myself, which in the past I've done, and I would say that in the past it probably was running. But now removing myself is not something I guilt or shame myself for. It's me collecting myself because I evaluate the room. I'm in the middle of a meeting. Do I want to have tears coming out of me in front of people? I don't know. No, but I also want to go somewhere where I can process this, process my feelings, because here's what she didn't know, or anyone else knew is I was already having a very emotional morning prior to getting to work, so it was lingering, and then having that criticism, which was constructive, which was fine, and I understood it, because once I was able to walk away, process my feelings and understand that that did not belong there, that I was able to really hear what she had to say.
Speaker 1:Now, did my ego want to come out? Sure, but it didn't need to. It didn't have to, and I knew where that was coming from. So I did everything right for myself, by removing myself, by taking those breaths, by evaluating the situation within me. Where's all these emotions coming from? And I knew exactly where they were coming from.
Speaker 1:So then, later on, she grabbed me. She was like listen, you know, I wasn't trying to be mean or harsh. And I told her. I looked her dead in the eyes and said I know, I know you were. I said, but I was very sensitive in that moment and it wasn't because of you, but because I was bringing that sensitivity with me. What you said triggered me and that is okay. It had nothing to do with what you said, it was what I was already feeling. So I took accountability for what I was feeling. I expressed how I felt and was vulnerable with her and I was honest and I told her yes, my ego wanted to come out and be bitter for a second, but overall, I knew exactly where she was coming from was a good place. You see, that's where you listen. Is what someone's saying coming from a good space, or a space of agenda, a space from their own wounds or their ego? You just have to listen. So, anyways, all was well, everything was fine. I was grateful I had people to you know, express that sensitivity and I wasn't harsh on myself for being fine. I was grateful I had people to you know express that sensitivity and I wasn't harsh on myself for being sensitive.
Speaker 1:I'm very open and honest of how sensitive I can be and it's my superpower. Nothing I'm ever going to change, nothing that people tell me is, oh, you're too sensitive, well, that's your judgment. So you take your ego, your judgment, your unhealed self and go work on that. I'm okay Because I love all of this. So you take your ego, your judgment, your unhealed self and go work on that. I'm okay Because I love all of this and your words are not going to change me or define who I am moving forward, okay, okay. But you know what the best part about that is? Universe turned it around for me and still blessed the situation because another staff member unbeknownst to her, I believe ended up paying for those three kids to swim. I didn't know until we got to the swimming pool. So universe, just divine intervention and had another angel come pay for it. So everything turned out, everything worked out and those three innocent kids were able to pay and not suffer for lack of parent choice or because of a situation they're going through. So that made me smile. So, you see, it was okay to not be okay in that moment and because of how I handled it, divine intervention sent another angel to pay for everything for those three kids. So I didn't have to worry about that. That's where I'm at today. That's my healing work, blessed in situations even when they feel so uncomfy like that, like almost crying in front of staff that you don't know, or just, let alone, crying at work. You don't want to do that, but it happens. You're allowed to have those moments. So now let's fast forward to here, right here in this moment, to my healing and to this trip.
Speaker 1:I am taking the podcast on the go, but not just on the go, like I always tell you. I'm not just running around Chicago from every forest preserve. Nope, I'm taking this internationally again and I'm taking it to Asia. So this Tuesday I leave in the evening for a 32-day adventure, minus four days of traveling, but that's also to include time change, because I think I lose a day going there and I gain a day coming back. I think I don't know. It's so confusing, I'm not good at that, but there's a stopover in Qatar, which I guess everyone says oh, if you have time, you know, check it out. I'm like I only have a couple hours. I'm not going to leave the airport and cause more anxiety than I have to, but I'll look out the window and check everything out. As they say, it's amazing and beautiful. I said, all right, sure. So first up, I'll be headed to Phuket, thailand. So excited.
Speaker 1:Now, this wasn't even a part of my trip. The trip was all based on Bali. Bali was on my bucket list for ever. In a day that hopeless romantic in me. I don't know why, but there was something about the spiritual connection to Bali. Even at a young age, there was something I was drawn to spiritually. And now look at me, I get to go to some place where I get to visit the temples and explore spirituality in its most high. I am beyond excited to not only learn the culture I don't even know how to describe what I'm about to embrace. There's just so much Explore the lands, the rainforests, the culture, the language, the foods, eat, pray, love, really, the meditation, the sanctuaries, the families. I'm ready. I'm ready for it all.
Speaker 1:So because of this, this trip I had planned with my coworker and God bless her soul. She's amazing and she really helps me do it up. I wasn't going to do this trip and told myself I was worthy of this trip and put it back on the table and then got it ready. And she got it ready in under a few months. And then, behind the scenes, little did she know I was adding Thailand and Singapore to the trip, because why in God's green earth am I going to fly 23 hours for one country, one stop?
Speaker 1:No, no, no. If you know me, you know I have a lot of energy. So imagine me being on a flight. Luckily, I'm grateful. Most people don't like layovers. I mean I'm included. Luckily, I'm grateful. Most people don't like layovers. I mean I'm included. But I'm grateful for this three and a half hour layover, which probably won't even feel like three and a half hours, because once you get through the Mississippi you're going to have to still go through customs just to get on another plane. I hope not, but I have a feeling you're Yep, so I don't know. I'm just ready to then get on the next plane for the next nine hour portion of the flight, which I'll probably sleep again If not.
Speaker 1:The best part about this is I will be recording of the flight, not a care in the world who hears me what I'm doing. But I can also utilize this abundance of time to edit an episode I told you that I recorded with my coworker and my friend. That turned out to be an hour and 44 minutes long, but there were some glitches and, like I said, I'm still learning how to fix the audio. I'm not that great in it. The other beautiful thing you got to know about me is I only have one good ear, one very strong ear, so it's hard to hear things, but then I feel things that are off and unaligned. So trying to put all that in play. But I learned I go behind the scenes and I learned I did go on a forum and asked a couple people of what I can do to remove some of the staticness, because it was loud. I mean it definitely overshadowed our entire conversation in section. So I'm not sure what happened or if I need to have somebody come out and reset my equipment, because I don't even. I said it myself and I don't even know what I'm doing again. So well, here I am, no biggie, just always on the go with the flow. So here I am ready, ready for this journey, ready for this trip.
Speaker 1:I didn't even know this trip was over three weeks long, to be honest with you. I went to my parents last week and my mom asked for the dates and then she counted and she told me she's like you realize, you know, to me it was a number, but honestly I thought it was two weeks and I said, hey, well, it's too late. Now she's like are you going to be homesick? And there's only twice in my life I've ever felt homesick, and obviously I know that that comes from a very unhealed space. So I can't imagine that I'll feel homesick. If so, I can't imagine that I'll feel homesick. If anything, I'll probably worry about my damn cat, because he is staying with Nana and Papa for three weeks and three dogs. And again, I know I shared that last time. So there's a lot of anxiety with that.
Speaker 1:But I'm going to let it go and trust. Trust in God, trust in the universe, trust in everything. Yes, yes, I did sing for you all, but anyways, in order to do this trip, this journey, everything I've come from a mindset of I'm abundant, and so I am. I'm abundant in life, I'm abundant in happiness, I'm abundant in gratitude, I'm abundant in all areas of my life. I am grateful, and I tell you this, that when I step outside of that abundance and my mindset shifts, at all universe is there to take me down a couple steps and I'm reminded quickly, oh so quickly. So, as of late, everything has shifted for me. I'm just abundant and I'm grateful and I look forward to what's to come. But I don't hold on to that. I don't hold on to expectations of what's to come. I just live here right now, in this moment, with all of you, and guess what? I'm grateful. I'm grateful because as I speak, as I walk around this house, I imagine that you're all here, because I feel that I feel you all listening. I feel it from all over the world and it's amazing. It's such a different feeling Because, if you could go back to my first episode, which took me six months to record, delete, record delete, edit, edit, edit before I finally felt somewhat ready and confident because I was going into deep healing, I was going through a lot when I began recording.
Speaker 1:I was having so much karma come at me and I deserved it. It was part of my journey. So I was avoiding the field of things I needed to feel and I had to feel it Couldn't run from it, couldn't allow myself to be numb from it anymore. So here I am, years later Well, not even years later, years later, my journey, but a little over a year, my podcasting Totally different headspace, full confidence, full excitement and filled with love and gratitude. And if there's ever fear, I don't hold on to that fear, but I utilize that fear to push me forward to whichever direction I'm supposed to go. I don't know, I have no prediction or no expectation, so I just thrust myself forward and lead by universe and so far it's gotten me here and I'm grateful. I'm grateful I chose this path, I'm grateful I had to do the things. I had to do for myself to become more clear, to become more aligned, to forgive, to forgive myself, to forgive others, to let go of old versions of me, of others, to just let go of our unhealed versions.
Speaker 1:And I was asked when people come in and out of your lives, do you think it serves a purpose whether they stay out of your life or whether they choose to come back? And I always say, at least now. I say, if someone's still out of your life, they're meant to be out of your life because you're not aligned and it would only make it worse. But if people come back into your life and you desire that, then you're ready, then you're both aligned to serve a purpose. But if you don't desire it, then you need to go within yourself because you still feel a type of way, or you still have these feelings, or you're projecting out these feelings, which could be anger, disgust, anything, judgment. They're basically judgments, right? And if you're making these judgments, then that's within yourself. So that's what I ask myself all the time is I go within, I reflect and then I say huh, because again, don't forget, I was these people, these versions.
Speaker 1:You may not have known it. I was really good at masking it and I'm being honest about it. I'm calling myself out on it and I forgive myself for those moments. I try not to be that version anymore. Will I make mistakes? I'm sure? Human response, human nature. Now, am I doing it out of animosity? No, I'm just human and I'm not perfect. But if you're going to hold me to that expectation, then don't have me in your life, because I don't want to be held to such expectation that I'm perfect, because I'll always disappoint you, but that disappointment comes from you and not me. So that's what I say out to the world. Don't ever expect me in your life, if that's all you're going to do is hold me to some stature of perfection that I have it all together. I don't. I'm not always right, but I'm right for myself right now, in this moment, and what you take from my storyline shouldn't be everything from A to Z. You should only take what resides within you, what aligns with you.
Speaker 1:Hell, you might listen to 30 minutes of this conversation and two words spoke to you. That was the purpose, that was the only purpose, and it served its place. Or you might've listened, didn't care about anything I said, but it was the emotion. Or you might have listened, didn't care about anything I said, but it was the emotion, it was the energy that came off of it. That was its purpose, and I've learned a lot from others just by listening, sometimes not to the words, but just the emotions.
Speaker 1:And then I ask myself is this aligned? Are they aligned to their words? Are they speaking from their heart and soul, or are they speaking and not fully aligned? Therefore, it's masking and lies. I don't do well with lies Like. My body just crumbles when people lie. It wants to run. It does that? Slam that door and run Like I just do. We all lie, yes. So I can only imagine what it feels like if I lied to somebody. Again, are we perfect? No, am I judging you? I'm telling you if you're someone that lies and I walk away, that's just what I have to do for myself. That's it.
Speaker 1:But anyways, I don't want to go off tangent here. I'm just here to say thank you for listening to all of this while I pack and I kind of have to be honest I took a little break so I got to get back to packing. But thank you for your support, thank you for your love, and I wanted to create a video. I'm not sure if I'll have a time to, but let me just make this shout out announcement If you go on any link to download or to listen, there is a little spot that says message right here.
Speaker 1:So on all platforms, you are now able to send me a message. It will only come in as a number, so make sure you leave a name If you so desire. Leave a name. Leave your email address. If you'd like me to respond, I would love to send a message back. Otherwise, they're just little messages for me.
Speaker 1:So, if you ever have something to share criticism I like constructive criticism if it comes from a good place. If it doesn't, I'll know and I'll just choose to ignore it, but feel free. Feel free to share a comment, your name, who you are, because I don't know everyone that downloads my podcast from all over the world. So I would love to hear your thoughts or your feelings or your stories. So, again, go to the platform. If you click on the episode, you'll see transcripts. Sometimes I don't have a transcript, but if you see it you're going to see right above it says click here to message and then you can send me a personal message, with or without a name, with or without an email. Obviously, then I won't be able to respond back, but I would love to hear from you. So, again, thank you all and I hope you enjoy these next couple of weeks of Infinite Love Global. Have a great day.